in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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