i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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