I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
