Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
vagina is talking i cant
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
