A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
