Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
