you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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