i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
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It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
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While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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