Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
