apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
