We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
