alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
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the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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