My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
