I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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