I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
