Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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