Where is the hickey?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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