i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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