conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
