and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we're making bets on your personal life
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
