i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
two words...techno handjob
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
