Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Randomize
