The maid of honor just puked.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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