you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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