We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I did not marry a roomba.
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