He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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