I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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