Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize