just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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