where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
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My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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