this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
