i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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