Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
