he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
