just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
