tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
