she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
