To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
