you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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