Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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