The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
