it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
