the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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