Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
