My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
