Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
