Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
