Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
our cab driver is having phone sex.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
