i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
