she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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