I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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