it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
