I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
