My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
