Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
