Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
