So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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