Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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