I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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