I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
