whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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