There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
