someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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