I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
