physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
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After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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