this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
