the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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