When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
