the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
