Im at strip club and am horny
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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