so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
