god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
