those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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