it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize
