Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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