Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
